Dear Luke,

        Well, life is pretty boring here now the rebel cause has triumphed. I miss the action and to be perfectly honest Han is not the lover he used to be when death and danger were always so close at hand. They added a little extra spice to things.
        Have you ever fucked a Wookie? Well, in your case it’s probably enough to say have you ever fucked at all? Still a virgin I presume, younger bro’. The major drag about you Jedi knights is this sexist obsession with celibacy. Otherwise I’d have cut a swathe through the Academy like a light saber. Remember before we found out we were brother and sister, we tried making out but it never happened? You are a unique event in my life, Luke. I think I could fuck anything! And that brings me back to Wookies. Very exciting lovers, but they smell like a wet dog.
        I dream a lot of Father. The black, shiny outfit, the mask and all the heavy breathing. The dreams are very oppressive. Often I am bound, unable to move, a victim. He never touches me but his presence rapes me. I am ashamed to admit it but I come in these dreams and I hate it. I want to resist but I cannot. Giving myself up to him, surrendering to his will and power and being taken over, absolves me from some unknown guilt. Have you freed yourself from this possession, Luke? You fought him, faced him, felt his power. I am terrified of his control over my body and emotions and disgusted by my willingness to be absorbed.
        Is this conflict what motivates you? We have never spoken of Father. I have a feeling that your obsession with the Jedi training arises out of your own conflict, just as my obsession with sex is rooted in mine.
        The tale of the rebellion is told as a battle between the light and the dark, good and evil. And it is always good that is tempted by evil. The dark is so sure of itself. I envy that quality, I wish I possessed it. Yet for my part, and it seems like yours too, the war was another thing altogether, an attempt to resolve our inner conflicts. Maybe all of us, from Father to the Emperor, from Han to Jabba the Hut, maybe we’re all doing this but we call it by other names more noble in order to dress it up in grander clothes, in pompous disguises, rather than see it for what it is.
        In the ivory tower you’ve created can you see what is happening? The Rebel Alliance has split back into all its factions. Each wants power, each has forgotten that victory was a result of unity, each plots against the other. I am sick of this sniping, this descent into stupidity Luke, but I don’t know where to go with it. There is no Jedi Academy for women.
        But then it also seems to me that Father, the Emperor’s evil hand, was fashioned by the Jedi Knights, just as much as Yoda or you yourself were. I hope there is another way. One that stops polarizing right and wrong, good and evil. Even though they are honest attempts to bring harmony and peace into the world and ourselves, these methods serve only to create more duality, more conflict, and some of it more horrendous than ever may have occurred without our intervention.
        Yeah well, get down off your high-horse, Leia.
        May the Force be neither with you nor against you, Luke.